• Joy Bhattacharya

To CP or Not to CP

Hey there Facchas!! It’s been quite a few months since you have been attending classes, so I believe it’s finally time to have the talk. What is it about CP, that so many courses have it? Full disclosure, I personally am not a big fan of CP.

“Frankly, in most of my classes, I am either zoned out or wondering how are my classmates conjuring this blasphemy??”

However, over months of being subjected to this horror, I have figured out patterns & tricks to do CP and would like to share the gyaan.

Disclaimer: All the examples given below are real-life & verbatim, and a lot of human brains were harmed in the process.

The Superman Trick

This is an obvious one. You see how Clark Kent wears glasses, and you completely forget that he is the Superman. The same trick works on the Profs too.

The rule of thumb is - a simple reframing of what someone said previously, will be hailed as a new point. (Don’t forget to put the metaphorical glasses though)

For example, these 2 are completely unique points:

CP 1 - “The GDP of India is now growing at a slower pace.”

CP 2 - “As we know, the Indian economy is now facing a problem - one that of slower economic growth.”

The Complete Tangent

In most cases of CP, the classroom discussion keeps going in circles, stopping only when the Prof gives up and moves on. However, sometimes, someone will throw in a point which would be so out of the line, that it would completely baffle the class. In an attempt to protect their egos, most professors start a discussion on this topic, awarding the rebel a handsome CP bounty.

Now, the trick to do this simple and common knowledge. Remember about the PESTEL framework which you used to prep for WAT. Yeah, use that to manufacture completely arbitrary points and sit back watch the class ensue in chaos.

For example:

Prof - “Why do you think Coke & Pepsi were able to sustain profits?” (An ‘E’ - economic question)

CP 1 - “Branding” (An E answer)

CP 2 - “We should also look at the importance of Congress support to Pepsi for growth” *the class screams in gibberish*

Cinderella’s God-mother

Now, this doesn’t need any explanation. We all have that one classmate, who’s like Cinderella’s god-mother, who can conjure the most eloquent sentences saying complete nonsense.

Even then, the trickery is only visible to the students, the Profs, like Prince Charming, are often bewitched. (Okay, no more Cinderella references).

Question - “How did the company reduce costs?”

CP 1 - “They put stickers on boxes to avoid misplacing them” - *bleh*

Answer - “They used a holistic approach to build dynamic recording systems, which enabled them to capitalise on the economies of scale achieved from the said systems. Moreover, the flexibility inherent to this system, allowed them to standardise their processes and reduce overheads and thus produce more efficiently.”

On a serious note, fluency in speaking is an important skill to learn for an MBA grad. To abuse fluency for marks is a personal choice though and will affect your karma.

The Jargon Conglomerate

This is very similar to the previous one, with one key difference, it’s not an actual skill to learn. The focus of this type of CP is to create the most complex collection of business jargon and expose the world to them.

The effect - 100% infection rate and everybody goes into a limbo trying to figure what was just said, only to give up in a few seconds.

CP - “Competently re-intermediate progressive architectures and authoritatively maximise accurate action items to proactively exploit progressive channels.”

Translation - Keep stricter deadlines for meetings

Obviously, most of us can’t manufacture such a monstrosity on the fly. But don’t fret, check this tool out - https://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

The Ugly Duckling

Well, once in a blue moon, someone actually does go through all the readings, case studies and gives an actual thought to the solution.

The result - a succinct and clear answer, appreciated by everyone (often ignored and forgotten about in a few minutes though)

I can’t recall any instances of this, or maybe there were none, or maybe my brain cells were dead from all the other CP to recognise this one.

Anyways, to be able to give an answer worthy of this category, one has to do hours of ugly work. I leave it upon the reader if the few moments of glory are worth the effort.

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